Guest post by Tyson Busby

My name is Tyson and I suffered with bulimia and EDNOS for 7 years, which is the longest I’ve struggled with anything in my life.

It all started at the age of 18, just after graduating high school, and continued until I was 24. Throughout the years of my ED I was diagnosed with depression, caused by multiple events throughout my childhood and teen years.

via SoulSchoolOnline.com

About my life

I was raised mostly in a single-family home and never felt I really had a father who was there for me. I played a lot of sports to take out a lot of my anger, but I also managed my feelings with food. At age 13, food began to offer me a sense of comfort and helped me deal with a lot of my emotions.

I didn’t really struggle in high school because I used to joke around about the way I looked, and felt OK with that. But after high school I fell into the wrong crowd, and at the same time, dealt with depression as a result of my eating disorder and guilt over living a life I shouldn’t have been living.

In the long run it wasn’t the best choice to make. I should have stood up for myself and realized that wasn’t who I was or who I wanted to be.

There are many people who struggle with disordered eating – women and men – and a lot of the time people use them to hide who they truly are. I did for many, many years, and throughout those years, I wasn’t truly happy with myself. I may have had moments where I felt happy, but I wasn’t happy with myself. I was controlled by something else and tried to fill voids in ways that didn’t work.

Looking back on my life, I wouldn’t change anything I did because it led to who I am today. Although I’ve gone through many struggles, just like each and every one of you, I’ve found a way to use my struggles to become a better person.

Finding healing at Woodstone

At the beginning of 2012, I went to a treatment centre called Woodstone, located on one of the Gulf Islands off Vancouver. That’s when my life was changed forever.

I was at Woodstone for under three months and was able to free myself from something I had struggled with for seven years. I met amazing people who helped me through my recovery, from individual therapy and family therapy to new friends, all of who were key to my recovery.

What I learned at Woodstone was that everything I needed to know was already inside me, but that I just didn’t know how to understand and express those feelings to myself. I learned how to love myself for who I am, and to live every day as it comes.

One big takeaway for me was the realization that every day is a new day, and that yesterday is the past.

I believe that being positive is the key component to recovery. It doesn’t matter how big or how small the goal is, if you pass that goal, that is a great achievement that you put yourself out to do and you did it!

I made goals for myself every day, whether it was taking one extra bite of food, or telling myself, “I love you,” and completing that is the biggest high I could ever experience.

A daily message of love

Every night at Woodstone, I wrote in a journal about my day and any struggles I had, like if I was upset with the staff, or if I was upset with myself. I also wrote about all the positive moments. If I ever felt upset, I pulled out my journal and put it on paper, and I made sure to read it back to myself.

As I read out loud, I found the last three words I put in every journal were the biggest help. I ended every entry with a simple, “I LOVE YOU,” in capital letters, and read it to myself so it was the last thing I heard at the end of my writing. Even if it was the worst, most depressive entry I had ever written, or the greatest, I still put I LOVE YOU at the end to remind myself that no matter how bad or good the day was, I still love myself for who I am.

 

Do you do any journaling? Do you have any tricks that help you get into a place of self love? Please feel free to add any comments or ask questions in the comments below, and I’ll respond as soon as I can.